God Bless This Mess by Hannah Brown

Author:Hannah Brown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harper
Published: 2021-10-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

Welcome to Bachelor Nation

Moving into the Bachelor mansion in Agoura Hills outside Los Angeles was not unlike moving into the dorms for the Miss Alabama pageants. Only the girls here weren’t competing for a crown. They were competing for a husband.

Just like in the pageant world, I could see that everybody was comparing themselves to everybody else. We were checking out the outfits we’d brought, and the evening gowns we’d brought, and the fancy shoes everybody had. And when girls are put in tight quarters in a competitive environment, it sure is easy for all of that surface stuff to get into your head.

After everything I had been through, I wasn’t interested in any of the drama—and, ironically, that caused me a lot of drama. I chose to stay in my room reading or writing in my journal when other girls were socializing, which made some of them think I was kind of stand-offish. I went on camera without wearing makeup, which made some of the girls think I must be nuts, but it was only because I was trying to get my face to clear up.

This wasn’t a competition for me. I really thought being put on this show was a new path for me to find a husband. I mean, why wouldn’t it be? Stranger things than this had happened in my life. So I took it seriously. I was there to get to know Colton. Not to make friends, not to make enemies, and not to make a career for myself on TV.

Also? I had nothing to lose. Truly, nothing.

As a result, I apparently did a lot of things people don’t usually do in front of the cameras. I was there to have fun, so I had fun. I made the crew laugh. I was silly. I goofed around. Just being me and letting loose a little bit caught the attention of the cameramen, and people on the crew kept saying, “That was great!”

I was the first one to eat a bug on camera, because why not? If they were going to challenge us, I wasn’t gonna let anybody show me up. I wanted to prove to Colton that I was up for any adventure. I had never been out of the country, and the first flight they put us on was a flight to Singapore—which I think is the longest flight you can take from the US. And I loved it!

It was like I’d won the lottery or something, getting to do all these adventurous things.

It felt like my whole life had changed, literally overnight.

In my one-on-one interviews in front of the cameras, I opened up my heart like a busted old river dam. It was like therapy to me. I shared stories from my past, and talked about my faith, and at one point I even told them about the murder of my aunt and cousins. Not all of it aired, and it wasn’t up to me which parts aired and which didn’t, but as you know if you watched the show, nothing about that part of my family history aired on TV.

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